In Love with the Intangibles.

It's officially the last day of 2008, and I end it on an extremely high note:

I've never been so in love with my life.

My ecstatic state has absolutely nothing to do with financial status (especially considering I have a non-existent one), but rather, it's because of the things that money can't buy--blessings. In my case, 2008's overflowing blessings were people. People, people, people.

I am so blessed to be surrounded by such great people at home, at work--everywhere I go.

My family has grown, and it continues to grow. Although I have always considered myself a family person, this year is different. In fact, each year is different, because each year, I am more and more appreciative of how great this bunch of people are.There are no words to express how proud I am to be part of my family.

Not everyone can say that they are lucky enough to like the people they work with. I, on the other hand, can honestly boast that I love the people that I work with. I have made a LOT of great friends this year, and it's just a bonus that I get to see them each and every day.

There are the friends whom I don't see very often. Factors such as physical distance or work have gotten in the way, and all you can really do to keep in touch is chat or exchange emails and scarce text messages. But in the larger scheme of things, who cares? In the end--friends are friends. What I am most thankful for about all my friends is that no matter how long it's been since we've last seen each other, things will always be exactly the same--perfect. Distance shimistance.

I am also thankful for the countless number of people that I met this year. There are those whom I will probably never run into again, and there are those people whose paths I will definitely cross in 2009. I have learned a lot from practically-complete strangers, and I can only hope and pray that the upcoming year will be full of more much-needed wisdom from anyone who's willing to impart it.

And of course, I am extremely thankful for my Mr. Jose Velez. No one gets me better than JV. Period.

So to You, oh Omnipresent, Omniscient, and Omnipotent One: Thank you.

Thank you.

Give Thanks.

Sometimes, people amaze me. And not exactly in a good way.

Lots of things have really gotten on my nerves the past week. In order to get to this point in time, annoying issues kept popping up--on being organized and being top of things, on punctuality, on respect for other people, on responsibility, on planning ahead--the list goes on.

If I were in another mood, I might've called today a success. But too many things ruined it for me.

Because of one thing in particular, I'm not in that happy, "it was a success" mood. and it's not even the fight with ___ over this whole thing. that's another story altogether.

i've been told quite a few times that i'm too nice. they tell me that i do too much--that i tend to do things that stray far, far, far away from my job description. but i don't mind, really. i don't mind going far and wide to do things to help out, especially if i know that the help is really, really needed. sometimes, i'm asked. sometimes, i volunteer. either way, as long as i know i'm able to help out, it's okay with me.

if i'm thanked in the end.

that's it. i just want my hard work and "excessive niceness" to be appreciated. if i do pretty much everything, there's nothing wrong with thinking that a proper thank you would be in order, right?

it doesn't have to be a monetary thank you. it just has to be a form of acknowledgement for the all the effort and time spent on doing things that other people should have been doing. any form of acknowledgement. i accept slaps on the back. i welcome high fives. i accept anything that expresses the slightest hint of gratitude.

but no.

i waited for it to come in any form. and it didn't happen.

at the end of the day, there is no big hug from you to thank me. there is no nod of thanks headed in my direction as i leave the venue. in fact, i don't even think there is a goodbye. there is no email of appreciation. heck, there isn't even a text message.

so what was there? there must've been something.

ah, yes. i do remember a comment from you about not being able to eat any doughnuts, and that there were none left. oh, and another one about only having one copy of the magazine when you should have been able to take more home.

has this excessive niceness and sense of volunteerism become part of my job description without me knowing it? have i become so much of a pushover that this stuff is expected of me already?

.

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Lullaby.

It was a lullaby my mom made up when we were little.

Lately, I've been hearing my sister and mom sing it to Nico as they rock him to sleep.

I don't know what it is about their humming, but part of me gets all weepy when I hear it. It makes me feel so secure.

The other night, Nico had been crying endlessly for what seemed to be a veeeeeeeeery long time. My sister started to sing it to him, and honestly, I don't remember how much longer he cried after that. I fell asleep.

Irked.

Before I begin writing this angsty post, I'd like to admit that yes, I am a selfish person.

But my selfishness has to do with me. In most cases, my selfishness affects only myself (and fine, maybe JV).

I like to think that my selfish actions have very little effect on the events of the real world and on the lives of other people.

I like to think that my selfishness has to do with the little things in life--like what I want to do (or what I don't want to do) today, or what food I want to eat, or where I want to go for vacation... is there anything wrong with that?

Unfortunately, there will always be the annoying, extremely selfish kind of people in the world. What's even more unfortunate, is that these are the kind of people that I can't seem to get away from--and having to deal with them is mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting me completely.

The sad truth is that in reality, there exists the kind of people who don't give a rat's ass about others.

There exists the kind of people who don't give a sh*t about the effects that their words, actions, and decisions may have on others.

There exists the kind of people who roleplay all day--the people who act so sweet and helpful and innocent, but who are, in reality, just not. Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.

These are the kind of people who think that others will just accept them for who they are--naturally pretentious, uncaring creatures--and that they will be liked and respected just the same.

These are the kind of people who act this way because they think that it's okay to act this way. They think that they can get away with it.

Sadly, in most cases, they do get away with it. And because they do, they continue being who they are.

Unfortunately for me, these people seem to be everywhere. They seem to be in every aspect of my life. There's no getting away from them. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, there they are.