Sunday, February 22, 2009

More than 25.

Once upon a time, I succumbed to the pressure of those Facebook thingies, and listed down 25 things about myself (although I actually wrote 27 facts, not 25). However, those were more of "fun facts" about myself. None of those facts really explain why I am the way I am.

Since then, I've realized that there are REAL things about myself that I want to put down into writing, and share to... not exactly my whole Facebook contact list. I've learned that there's more to me than liking odd numbers, collecting jackets, and being afraid of cockroaches.

I'm 25 years old, and these are some of the things I've learned about myself, whether I like it or not:

28. As loud and hyper as I am, I am actually pretty introverted. Is there such a thing as an extroverted introvert? I love meeting new people, but in the "getting to know you" phase, I am actually quite shy. If you don't know me, I can seem mataray or just plain old quiet, but if you really know me... you'll know that that's not quite the case.

29. Unlike people who adore being the center of attention, speaking in front of an audience scares the hell out of me! Yes, I like to make winning hirits, but I can only pull this off when I am completely comfortable with the crowd that I'm in (and the only reason I can pull this off is because that's the only thing I'm good for...making hirit!). Make me present something in front of a crowd, and watch me go pale.

30. I have no problem making a complete fool of myself if it makes people laugh. A lot of my friends probably think that I'm downright strange sometimes, but hey, what's making a little fun of yourself?

31. I can't write, and am actually afraid to write. Sure, I've written a few articles here and there. Yes, I want to write... but I don't know how. I have serious doubts about my sentence construction, and have even serious-er doubts about my ability to write something interesting that's longer than 50 words!

32. I hold grudges / have a hard time forgetting certain things, like when a certain person didn't thank me after I did ________ for them. I have an unpublished blog post called "Give Thanks" that was directed towards someone... but the saner part of me was against posting it. Oh, how I still want to post it to this very day.

33. I'm too loyal to certain causes. The smallest comments against something / someone I love will affect me deeply. Even if it's a comment directed towards Golf Digest Phils.! Haha!

34. Most of the time, I have a really, really short memory. It's like when you'd study for a test in college and once the test is over, the information you memorized goes with it. I actually didn't realize it until JV brought up how extremely forgetful I was :P

35. I don't really remember what life was like before JV. I don't really care, for that matter. That's a good thing :)

36. I hate it when people can't read my mind or don't know when I'm feeling annoyed or frustrated or hurt. Yes, I know it's a lot to ask.

37. I looooove to make hirit and make fun of people (whether to their face or behind their backs), but I'm actually pretty pikon if you strike the wrong nerves. Tsk tsk. Watch out.

38. Since my sisters have moved out of the house, I have had a hard time sleeping. I never used to mind being alone in the dark. However, since they've both moved, each night requires putting the TV on sleep mode after about an hour or two, or leaving a light on in my room. My mom will get mad at me the next morning for the leaving the light on, but the next night, I'll do it again anyway.

39. I have a superhero complex. When people expect something from me, I need to deliver, no matter how hard I have to work to do it. I have a hard time telling someone I can't do something, no matter how impossible it may seem. I will slave over it if I have to. I must meet expectations of me. I must.

...but please remember #32. Thank me, okay?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

To Angel.

I see you walking around sometimes. Of course, I know it's not you, but people who resemble you. The other day, I was crossing the street, and walked by someone who looked so much like you that I almost called out your name.

Every time I see "you", I feel the regret all over again. It is the regret of not having been able to know you better. It is the regret of not having been able to spend more time with you when you were here.

I don't know why it still bothers me. We were never close. We were never really friends. We hung out a few times, but not enough for us to say we knew each other. So why am I so affected?

I wish I could have known you as well as the others were able to. I wish you knew how much I wished things were different. You seemed like such a nice person--so sincere, so simple. To this very day, I am filled with regret.

But there's nothing for me to do now. I just wanted you to know.