A letter to the makers of Marty's Cracklin'

Dear Marty’s Cracklin’ makers (aka Oishi),

As I sit here on this fine Friday night eating my midnight snack of your salt & vinegar flavored vegetarian chicharon and a can of SMB premium malt beer—I can’t help but ask questions.

How can something so salty—so vinegary—so delicious—be made of vegetables?

In the listed ingredients at the back of the package, only dehydrated green peas, vegetable oil, and garlic powder sound like anything remotely healthy. Are those three ingredients already the factors that make this chicharon “vegetarian”?

Just how many green peas do you need to make a recipe? How come our green peas at home don’t taste like your chicharon?

Are green peas your main ingredient? Because if so, a friend of mine would like to ask—if green peas are the main ingredient, how come the chicharon isn't green?

There’s another thing! How can it have 0 grams trans fat, and 0% cholesterol? How can something so sinful be… not so sinful? It’s impossible.

I hope you don't think I'm a philosopher (pilosopo in Filipino), I just really wanted to let all my questions out.

I don’t know what you’re doing, but you’re doing it right.

Sincerely,

KVI.